Pen Down

And she sat down to write how she felt about him.

You make me feel alive. No, no, what is alive? We need to be more specific. This spells science. It should look like literature. You make me come to life? Biology will dampen the chemistry.
I love you. No, spare me the horror. The most over used sentence in English language.
My heart beats for you. Cliché.
I can’t do without you. Needy.
I miss you when you are not around. Thank you very much, are you doing him a favor?
I belong to you. Old-fashioned? 
I just want to be with you. Desperate.
Need, Miss, Want, Love. Scratch, scratch, scratch.
Every day is beautiful with you around. Straight out of a greeting card.
You make me smile. Smile is not laughter. Can it backfire?
I wish we could be together all the time. Nice. We have our opening sentence ready.
There is nowhere I’d rather be. Way to go girl.
When I am with you I feel complete. Read: you fit well in my bigger picture of things. How calculative.
You mean so much. Non- committal. Please elaborate.
I’ve never felt this way before. Selfish.
Nothing can keep me away from you. Psycho.
Be mine. Possessive.
I adore you. Thank you, thesaurus.
I can be myself when I am with you. Self obsessed.
I can’t take my eyes off you. Ahem! Wrong direction, Miss.

Okay perhaps it’s not such a good day to write him a letter. So much for being in an editorial department.

Cupboard Monster - A Play originally in three Acts.

Act 1 Scene 1

She opens her cupboard. She opens her eyes wider and stares. She finds something that might work. She deftly places one hand on the pile and pulls out that something. Glee. It works.

Act 1 Scene 2

She opens her cupboard. She finds something that might work. She deftly places one hand on the pile and pulls out that something. No, it doesn’t work. Its crumpled. She repeats the act. No luck again.

And again.

And again.

Darn I’m late.

Act 1 Scene 3

She opens her cupboard. She tries to find something that might work. She opens her eyes wider and wider...

I’m going to get late.

Act 1 Scene 4

She opens her cupboard. She sits down in front of it. Now she begins to wonder…

Act 1 Scene 5

She opens her cupboard. There is an avalanche. After sometime, her face emerges from the heap of clothes.

End of Act 1

*****************************************************************

Act 2 Scene 1

She opens her cupboard and gloats. Neatly stacked piles- freshly ironed. She pulls out a purple from between the stacks, the stack dances. She re-arranges the stack neatly in place.

She gloats some more.

Act 2 Scene 2

She opens her cupboard and lets out a sigh of relief. Thank goodness for this; I am already running late. She pulls out something from between the stack. The stack dances and falls. Shucks! Later.

Act 2 Scene 3

She opens her cupboard. She picks out something from the disheveled pile- no, it’s not cool- another- nope- another pile and another- why do I buy such clothes anyway?

Act 2 Scene 4

She opens her cupboard. Three piles down last time. Found just the thing for me. What luck. Downside? The last pile bids farewell.

Act 2 Scene 5

She doesn’t open her cupboard. It’s too late to try.

End of Act 2

******************************************************************

Act 3 Scene 1

She opens her cupboard. She stares at the cupboard. She concentrates- where is “that”? Only “that” and nothing else. Tastes victory after a while. All others lie dead.

Act 3 Scene 2

She opens her cupboard. Lucky day or what? The right thing is right in front of her eyes. But, oh! Where is the other part of it? The hunt begins.

Not the lucky day.

Act 3 Scene 3

She opens her cupboard. She starts pulling out one crumpled masterpiece after the other. Slowly the pile at the floor mounts. She wonders…

Act 3 Scene 4

She opens her cupboard. She stares at the heap that jumped from the floor into the cupboard. Why god Why?

She frantically dives her hands into the heap for the treasure cloth- please god please.

Act 3 Scene 5

She opens her cupboard. She looks into the cupboard. She swipes everything out on the floor. She stomps on the scattered heap. F**k you!

End of Act 3

************************************************************

Barefooted

Where would I go, walking the miles in search of me,
Only to find I belong to thee.

Every twist and turn in the lane

The sunshine and pouring rain

The storm alone or with wind together

One shelter for any weather.

The longing for home doesn't cease,
they say “home is where the heart is.”

The tireless race of the mind

The body lags somewhere behind

The soul has still a lot to find

Are there really two-of-a-kind?

So many questions unanswered remain

This never-ending quest only pays in pain

Loneliness grips me amongst a thousand and one

 But when there is no one,

It leaves me alone

 And I’m on my own.

The honking cars with their darting lights

Dimly lit streets in the lonely nights

I carry our picture of togetherness and ease

And look into it in times like these

I see faint lines of love, virtue and vice

Of guilt, revenge and sacrifice

The farther away I run, the closer you hold me

I’m powerless before the light I see
I find myself enveloped completely,

Folded like that bed-sheet neatly

which was tainted by the spilled tea

We still fight over, was it you or me?

I sometimes suffocate

At my irrevocable state

Which I have carved for myself, ornamented with hatred

And now there is always an empty other side of the bed

My self-invoked isolation mocks

I pour another, on-the-rocks

This daze lulls the questions I daily ask

It aids just a little bit this cumbersome task

This task of living.

I tried quitting;

Smoke and Life both seem stubborn

Only latter lingers but both burn

The insides of me.

Nothing will ever be

The same again.

Amen.

Lotus by RabindraNath Tagore

On the day when the lotus bloomed, alas, my mind was straying, and I knew it not. My basket was empty and the flower remained unheeded.
Only now and again a sadness fell upon me, and I started up from my dream and felt a sweet trace of a strange fragrance in the south wind. That vague sweetness made my heart ache with longing and it seemed to me that is was the eager breath of the summer seeking for its completion.
I knew not then that it was so near, that it was mine, and that this perfect sweetness had blossomed in the depth of my own heart.

Oh what a strange world of Love, you keep craving for someone while someone else keeps craving for you.

I know what you’d want of me, but my heart has turned. It has fallen into a place like a piece in a puzzle. Maybe it’s a wrong place, but like a stubborn child who dreams of her own accord, fancies it so and desperately wants to fit it there because she thinks it looks beautiful, -I try hard.

Ah, when beauty of things took over the practicality, when we could love things wrong and right alike, loving them without knowing what they could do to us, love them without eyeing the future. But alas, we are not supposed to be dream-weavers anymore.

I accept it for what it is, no give and take here -I know, but know this, I am not the same woman anymore, so it’s difficult to be her, but for you I’m trying- Don’t look into my efforts, just look into my eyes. 

Can’t you see? When I look at you, my eyes would not part with the vision for the Seven Wonders of the World. They hate blinking but they are ashamed of making you awkward. I try to turn down the ferocity of the gaze, but it’s my soul- I cannot control. Do not hope I close my eyes. I can’t do that; I have my heart to answer to.  Not as sympathetic as you, it would not forgive me.

I am the object of humor, scrutiny, curiosity and criticism. Everyone stares at me while I stare at you unabashedly. I am scared to look behind the shoulder. But fair trade, there is some pain in pleasure; And pleasure in pain.

There is a story in a story

And a dream within a dream

And one day, someday,

It might shine on you like a gleam

A light reflected from my soul

In you, as there is where it lies humbly,

Ever since it you stole.

Once he drew
With one long kiss my whole soul thro'
My lips, as sunlight drinketh dew.
~Alfred Lord Tennyson

The Rain

The world, the Life is so beautiful now,

It has started to rain

I sit at my window sill in the dreary afternoon

Something hurts deep down, I wonder, ecstasy or the pain.

The world, the life is so beautiful now,

Children dance in the rain, burst into a song

I see water drops glistening on rose petals

I can smell the scent of wet earth but not for long

The brook is sparkling with the stars

Just like the endless starry skies in the night

Something I'll never see again,

It falls from tree leaves like running water

Oh, this haunting rain

As the rain pelts at my window pane

My vision becomes blurred with every water drop

I can’t see much, life seems to be fading away

Soon darkness will engulf me but this rain wont stop

Oh, the world, the life is so beautiful now

But all wasn’t so beautiful then

When I cut my veins

Now I am waiting for my immortal lover to embrace me

Life will be beautiful again

Oh, but why did it have to rain...?

Holding Water

Drifting like my mind splattering

All across the subject of thought like stones

I put them under the current turbulent

And then in the tranquil singing rivulet

The waves danced on them and lathered

Them with frothy force,

The freshet with the dreamy gliding flow

Touched, rippled, repulsed.

Neither the Lucid nor the placid helped.

The gush of the cascade took me

Further away from desirable.

Each ebbing tide surged my emotions

The waxing and waning reflected the moon

Fraught, I put them in a turbid stagnant

The lotus does lie in a bog at times

Alas, the green marsh is really a quagmire

The stench clung and only deepened.

Can you lend me a drop of dew?

Can you make it Rain?

Blood, sweat, grime;

My hands are dirty

And they seem non-washable.

A glass of Wine.

For all the wrong times when we were right

Let’s celebrate our Incomplete Lives,

Our never-ending Story,

When was the last time all was Hunky-Dory?

Raise the glass because we know it all,

And in our hearts they stand tall,

because we are incorrigibly in Love,

No matter, how-ever

Young we will be, forever.

We will never say no when we want to

Because that is not how we are

We will hide behind the smile a tear or two

And never stop wishing on a star!

Friendship will never take a back-seat

Though Romance will come and go

It may stay a while and hurt

Or may just fly out of the window

But we will remember how You made us feel

And miss it every time, will miss it so!

We are so strong; we don’t even know it

You can bring on the Heat

We can dance on the Life’s song

Without missing a single beat

We are the dreamers, wild and free

We were so and we will be.

Nothing will take us down

Not you, but maybe me

Because you see,

I’m incorrigibly in Love with Love

And will always be.