He had told me everything, I thought. Or had he told me everything I thought? It cannot be happening. The world beneath my feet was turning into a pool of water drowning me, and yet my feet felt like stones. I stood fixed.
I could not do anything but wait for him to come over. He was conveniently choosing to stay aloof. So cold- it could not be the same man who had held me that night before. That man was warm- warm like the fireplace, soothing like the… He finally looked at me. I could not make out his expression at all- that when I thought I could read him like my diary. He was not even blinking. Cold sweat broke through, wetting the back of my neck.
He looked at me, in a way I could not fathom, and I looked back quizzically, afraid at what was coming next. He stared; his eyes seemed far away dreaming, instead of looking directly at me. I tried to make a sound, a curt hello, but all I could manage was a squeak. A sarcastic smile hovered on his lips, was he mocking me, gloating on the power he possessed over me or was he being plain sadistic?
He looked at me, in a way I could not fathom, and I looked back quizzically, afraid at what was coming next. He stared; his eyes seemed far away dreaming, instead of looking directly at me. I tried to make a sound, a curt hello, but all I could manage was a squeak. A sarcastic smile hovered on his lips, was he mocking me, gloating on the power he possessed over me or was he being plain sadistic?
He put his arm over my shoulder. To everyone in that room, it would appear a friendly move, a nonchalant greeting; casual catching up. But I was dying under it- my skin was burning and all I wanted was to free myself away. He could feel me squirm but he did not bother. Icily, he started dragging me with him across the room, talking to everyone- watching me wriggle before letting go of me. I tried to make as much distance between us as I could; darting glances at the entrances and exits across the hall. I was planning to run away as fast and far as my feet could take me, from him. Not feeling his eyes boring on me, I was picturing my escape when I felt his icy grip on my wrist. One time it had melted me. The memory took over and I let out a gasp. He let go instantly and paced across to the other corner of the room, his long legs making it a matter of a moment. A woman lightly touched his shoulder, whispered in his ear. He guffawed. There I could not breathe easy and he stood unscathed. I was perplexed. Did it really happen?
Louie lightly put his arm around my waist. I turned towards him and sighed. He could see my eyes brimming. He signaled we leave the room. Held by him, I steadily tried dragging my leaden feet when I stole a glance at him. He looked taut with anger, but he did not move. It looked as if he could, he would kill me. I shivered. Louie hung his overcoat on my shoulders protectively.
Outside, I let the cold wind slap my face. What were you thinking! Louie awkwardly patted my head. I put my head on his chest and stood there, trying to erase the past. When I looked up across Louie’s shoulder, I saw him staring at me. I stiffened. “Can you get me a glass of water?” Louie nodded, and left. I looked at him, ice by now. He stood fuming. And then he came dangerously close. I stood there for a minute, trying not to breathe so hard but he brought his face treacherously closer and closer, his voice almost a steely whisper, “What the hell?’ I did not know what he meant but these should have been my words. I broke down crumbling when his hand came on my back holding me upright. I could see Louie rushing towards me, holding me as He almost let me fall.
”Leave my Lily alone” Louie growled so unlike his usual charming self. He looked at Louie and then at me. His face searching me like a puzzle he was trying to fix.
”Leave my Lily alone” Louie growled so unlike his usual charming self. He looked at Louie and then at me. His face searching me like a puzzle he was trying to fix.
Then he signaled- Louie nodded and asked me to wait as he started to follow him to somewhere. Oh this cannot be happening. What does he want now? Louie will get himself killed. I stood there, no blood in my body. I went back to that night over and over again, trying to know what it meant. I tried to go through to the time after that wondering what I was missing. Was I a fool or his fancy? Louie was coming back. Where did he go? “Let’s go inside. It’s getting cold.”
The hall was his Hall. “Why are we still here, shouldn’t we just leave?” Louie did not reply and left to get himself a drink.
His hand in my hair, he turned me towards him. His eyes just like the night before. His mouth went down on mine, and he lifted me as my knees gave away. The whole room clapped as he pressed in a band unto my finger. Louie still stood at the bar, now raising the glass at me, smiling.
I looked at him dazed; he just shirked his shoulder, blinding me further with his smile. “What the hell happened here?” “Well I just remembered that only your brother calls you Lily.”
my tribute to M&B
my tribute to M&B
